The Stufferfish

Illustration by Lynda Richardson

Jay from Inbetweeners is not what you'd call a good role model. A crude, depraved and ultimately generally sad individual, one of the character's signature traits was his relentless blustering and exaggeration in any scenario - despite a total lack of credibility to the claims.

It is a trait found not only in coming-of-age hit comedy tv series from the late noughties, but also unto the Healthcare Habitat, with one particular species channelling their inner Jay at any opportunity (haha inner Jay) - the Stufferfish.

As you can imagine, the Stufferfish's stock-in-trade is exaggeration, with any scenario blown out of logistical proportion to ensure maximum empathy points from those that care to listen. They are easily identified by iconic claims, such as "I have done absolutely no work for this exam" or "I never stick around for MDTs or audits, I just walk straight out". However, though the statements seem bold, their claims are far from the truth. Sure enough, an explorer in proximity to a Stufferfish, with a little digging will quickly unearth the species' flimsy facade.

With multiple witnesses claiming they saw the defendant writing notes for hours in multiple locations on multiple occasions, on top of eye-witness reports of the individual sitting silently in the corner of an audit for three hours, while the decision was made whether to invest in 5p or 10p gloves. Like a lawyer with a client who actively murders the judge mid-way through their trial, their defence collapses with but the slightest of pressure - revealing the deep-seated need for validation by their peers.

The Stufferfish's antics pose very little danger to an explorer - although there is the infinitesimally insignificant risk of believing their claims, which can impact how explorers compose themselves in doing work and in the Habitat (kind of your own fault if you do fall for their claim that they saw a copy of the exam paper and said it was 90% psychiatric medications - did you know if you read first letter of ever paragraph's second line it spells out gullible?) - but they can quickly become grating.

Once aware of a student's nature as one of the species, it becomes very clear when the individual is breaking out their classical exaggerations, inspiring feelings of irritation within the explorer, as the Stufferfish receives validation (or in some cases, admiration), for claiming to do something that they would have absolutely no intention of doing when the chips were down. And unless they can provide irrefutable evidence to the contrary right there and then, there is little the explorer can do but wait and listen to the species' outlandish claims.

The best way to cope in encounters with the species is to sit back, let the claims wash over at your liesure, and remain comfortable in the knowledge that you know their secret, and that you could crack their dubious story wide open, revealing the insecure little person within. But really? That sounds a bit mean - do you want to irreparably shatter this fellow human being's already seemingly delicate self confidence further? It's not like its hurting you right? In fact, maybe you could just not hang out with them if it bothers you that much. That seems like a better plan, come off as less of a jerk that way. Good plan.

Of course, there are instances where Stufferfish claims, despite their seeming ludicrousness, do eventually prove to be true, and the non-believers are left just a teensy bit red-faced by the whole incident. Maybe you should check the second line of every paragraph again.










Ha. Made you look.