Consultasaurus Rex

The Consultasaurus Rex

Illustration By David Reid
Colours by Lynda Richardson

During your foray through the jungle that is the medical workplace, you will be confronted by countless daunting tasks on an everyday basis. However, few will be as intense and nerve-wracking as when you encounter the dreaded Consultasaurus Rex.

The Consultasaurus, a sub-species of the varied genus of "consultants", is a fossil of a bygone era, a relic that inexplicably continues to exist despite the rest of the medical world evolving into a more adapted and entirely new ecosystem. Highly aggressive, the species is predator to a wide range of fauna, including students, nurses, junior doctors and on rare occasion, other species of consultant. 

Ready to pick up on any sign of weakness, hesitancy or error, the Consultasaurus Rex is famous for using its angry, impatient tone and demoralizing language to bite the prey's head off - often whilst spouting its iconic roar of "When I was a student..." followed by some ridiculous feat of hard work they apparently performed and a generalised statement explaining why modern students are terrible and medicine is falling apart. Individuals are even rumoured to have demonstrated further aggressive activity, although many of these cases are unsubstantiated or are the subject of hearsay.

Though hugely rare in the modern era (with most of the consultant genus being largely docile unless provoked), and with changes in the teaching of medicine driving the species slowly toward extinction, it is still possible that any explorer of the medical safari can encounter them, and therefore must be informed as to how best to avoid becoming the prey of the Consultasaurus Rex. Though impossible to obtain the species' admiration, it is possible to achieve their (if only temporary) acceptance.

When directly interacting with the species, it is important to make movements only once the Consultasaurus has given the instruction to do so - excessive boldness, though normally effective in improving the quality of medical learning with other consultant species, can provoke aggression from the C. Rex, and explorers are advised to act with caution in the species vicinity.

Conversely, the species is often provoked by prey demonstrating signs of meekness or hesitancy. If questioned, it is imperative that explorers do not dally or pause for too long before answering - an attempt at answering questions is superior to delaying, which will trigger the species impatient nature. It can be very beneficial to a threatened explorer to have conducted excessive research into the specific Consultasaurus' interests and work prior to direct interaction, thus improving the likelihood of correctly answering when questioned.

Although it is often tempting to simply evade the Consultasaurus Rex, this is frequently impossible to do, and the more the individual becomes aware that you are avoiding them (or worse, leaving early from interactions with them), the more hostile they will be when the inevitable encounter occurs. It is better to simply face the beast when armed with background knowledge and sufficient caution, for though the predator is highly dangerous to an unprepared explorer, the benefits of interacting with members of the species can be numerous.

Under the high pressure and intense scrutiny of these predators, explorers will often receive the most effective teaching. Fear is an effective motivator, and from personal experience the author of this blog can tell you that having worked with a Consultasaurus for over a month, the topics learnt under this authority are now by far the strongest in the author's entire knowledge base. In the event that an explorer does find themselves trapped in this situation, their best bet is to work their hardest, face the beast and reap lucrative rewards.