The Stubat

Illustration by Lynda Richardson

The stubat is one of the first species that an explorer will encounter, often before they have even set foot into the healthcare habitat. Friendly, wild and fun to be around, stubats make excellent companions through the early years of explorer training, making this a hugely enjoyable time period.

The stubat is most easily found at parties and nightclubs, with many individuals of the species frequenting these ecosystems as many as 3, 4 or 5 times a week, often employing its’ signature call of “we’ll be back by one”, to entice others of the species to accompany them on their nocturnal outings (Note: there is very little accuracy to the species’ declaration of return-time –  despite possible intentions, very rarely will a stubat be returning home any time earlier than 2:30-3PM, and explorers are advised not to take the word of the stubat as fact).

However, the presence of stubats in the student genus is most easily identified at 9AM the day following day, with the population attending morning lectures drastically dwindled by the “hangover” blight that affects most individuals of the species. Stubats not significantly daunted by the blight can use a combination of caffeine, deodorant and sheer willpower to force themselves to attend such events, but can be picked out from other species by their zoned-out demeanour (complete with “zombie-stare” and gentle head nodding as their brain attempts to shut down against the individual’s will), their hastily-thrown on garments and their 10 minute late arrival to the ritual (some members of the species going so far as to call on the service of taxis to limit the effect of their sleep-deprivation fatigue).

Stubats can be both a blessing and a hindrance to an explorer of the healthcare habitat. Their friendly, social nature means that those in close proximity to them are never short of social outings and parties to go to – a valuable part of an explorer’s training – and their incredible ability to procure event tickets and invitations from the aether of facebook ensures that few events are impossible for an explorer to attend. However, with this ability comes a certain degree of unreliability – do not trust a stubat to make a planned activity scheduled for early in the morning, especially if this event involves exercise or studying. Prepare back-up plans accordingly.

The species frequent absent from forays into the healthcare habitat can also help an explorer, meaning skills and tasks are divided amongst fewer individuals and teaching provided is more focussed to the explorer’s particular aims and interests. Conversely, a lack of companions on placement can intensify the spotlight of scrutiny imposed upon an explorer, making it harder to avoid a consultasaurus rex on the warpath, or to dodge the trickiest questions the doctor sphinx can muster. Plus, without company, quite dull placements can very quickly become insufferably dull, with even the diversion of small talk now lost.

When working or learning amongst stubats, it is important to throw yourself into the lifestyle - go out with them and join in on the fun nightlife, especially in the early stages of training when the pressures imposed are lower. What is important however, is to know the limit. Avoid adventures with the stubat the night before an expedition into the healthcare habitat (even if they spout their trusty catchphrase), and make sure to keep on top of work - sleep deprivation and a budding alcoholic tendency are not particularly great motivators to work - a problem when examinations draw near. In summary; have fun, but don't go crazy.

Note: stubats very rarely fail to take a few pictures over the night out. These will undoubtedly pop up on facebook, so be ready to strike a pose at the drop of a hat - don't be the guy on the side gurning about how late its getting and how  you have fallen foul of the stubat's "back by 1" call.