The Trapdoor Spident

Illustration by Lynda Richardson

In this series of blogs, we have so far discussed several species of student, all of which, though highly variable, could easily be classed as "docile" creatures, whose cooperative actions demonstrate no desire to cause harm to their student comrades, seeking only for mutual betterment in the face of the healthcare habitat. Sadly, there are exceptions to the rule, aberrant creatures  that take great pleasure in predating other members of their species. These are the trapdoor spidents.

Spidents feed off of the suffering of their kin, and harvest this sustenance using their lethal modus operandi; a deadly venom known to the outside world as "humiliation". As ambush predators, individuals patiently await the perfect opportunity to strike out - in this instance, when one of their student peers  states a fact or suggests an answer that the spident believes is untrue. When their prey triggers the species' sensitive fact-checking gland (in the area of the brain where other species normally store their soul), the spident uses its lightning quick reflexes to instantly point out the incorrectness of their statement, ensuring that all surrounding individuals can hear, and thus maximising the humiliation that their prey exudes.

With an ancestry dating back to the first spident mocking the first primitive human when he suggested that fire would be totally safe to stick his head in, the species has long since evolved and adapted a variety of ways to use their ambush technique in a variety of situations. In teaching sessions where a difficult question has been asked openly to the group, some individuals will employ a patient silence combined with an inborn resistance to awkwardness. Their prey, buckling under the intense weight of the awkwardness of the situation, are thereby forced into tentatively voicing an answer, and if the trapdoor spident knows this to be incorrect, they will pounce.

Conversely, during revision sessions, others can build up a degree of false confidence in their prey, calling out that "they know absolutely nothing about (insert topic)". Their prey, perceiving the predator to in fact be a fellow student in need, will rush to assist them, running headlong into the spident's clutches. This can be a highly lucrative hunting mechanism, with the student's attempts to educate their perceived comrade being picked apart incessantly by the voracious predator, leaving the student wishing that an asteroid would simply destroy the building, thus putting him out of his misery as well as making the world forget his humiliation, given their sudden need to manage what would now be classified as a "major incident".

Explorers can often fall foul of trapdoor spidents during their forays into medical school and the healthcare habitat beyond, and so must be wary of the species' traps. The aforementioned call for aid is an iconic marker of a spident's metaphorical web of deceit, and thus those rushing to aid must tread cautiously - explorers must be sure that they know the subject to a suitable degree so as to never expose themselves to the species dreaded ambush. In fact, knowledge, alongside a healthy disinhibition to improvise or make up facts, are the best way to avoid spident attacks - if you never err, they will have no opportunity. The protective precursor "I don't know, but could it be...?" will further dampen the toxicity of the creature's bite, if an explorer finds himself forced into guessing an answer in the presence of the predator.

Another point to consider is that spidents themselves are not infallible. On occasion, the species prolonged silence in teaching can lead to them be rounded upon by the tutor, forcing them into the same hazardous gauntlet as they have so frequently forced their prey. And woe betide a spident that answers incorrectly, for they themselves become exposed in the face of more knowledgeable, and therefore deadlier trapdoor spidents.

A creature more to be pitied and cautiously avoided than detested, the trapdoor spident is simply a part of the habitat's ecosystem - an irritating part, but still a part in itself. If avoided, a well-protected explorer can easily navigate all the spident traps in their path, with minimal difficulty.