The Piranhacademic

Illustration by Lynda Richardson

A while ago, this blog discussed possibly the friendliest creature to grace the Healthcare Habitat: the Studolphin. Unfortunately, not many other species live up to the standards of care and cooperation of these amazing specimens, some even going so far as to become their exact antithesis. One of such species is the Piranhacademic.

Like the studolphin, Piranhacademics are members of the student family, but this is as far as comparisons go. The species distinguishes itself by its voracious, self-centred attitude towards learning in the Healthcare Habitat, greedily consuming every opportunity that it can get into its hungry jaws (through unjust means if need be), leaving nothing but its unwanted scraps for fellow members of the ecosystem.

The Piranhacademic's origins are unclear, but it is speculated that the species originally branched off from the main student evolutionary line due to an intense drive to succeed in the Healthcare Habitat. However, somewhere along the way the race's pure intentions became corrupted, with individuals discovering that they could prosper best not by cooperating with other students, but by actively competing with them for their learning opportunities, ignoring the unspoken code of honour amongst fellow students.  

Succumbing to these dark temptations, this fallen species has devolved, to the point where "honour", "comradeship" and "not stealing somebody else's placement allocation because theirs looked boring" have become alien concepts in their soulless, uncaring minds. This makes Piranhacademics loners, a situation only exacerbated by the species treating their kin no different to any other type of student - to them they are just another competitor to defeat in the rat race of life.

Devious creatures, Piranhacademics will utilise any advantage to gain an upper hand upon other students. Normally, Piranhacademics use the simple technique of snatching up any opportunities that present themselves before any other students can get to them, meaning  an explorer in piranhacademic-infested  wards must be wary of the species creeping up to steal away opportunities. Commonplace are stories of explorers setting down bloods forms while they gather equipment, only to return to find said forms whisked away and the bloods already taken by these roguish creatures.

Others of the species can exhibit even further disregard for their comrades, with individuals known to ignore both written and unwritten laws of conduct in the Healthcare Habitat and beyond. These infringements can be minor, such as a piranhacademic taking another student's placement rotation, or major, with truly evil members of the species going so far as to steal unguarded notes or books. Though piranhacademic attacks of this severity are rare, they do occur in the modern day, and as such explorers must be cautious - do not leave notes unguarded for extended periods, especially in secluded areas, as these are hotspots for piranhacademic activity.

There must be some advantages to working with piranhacademics, I just can't seem to think of any.... Maybe if you prefer having less interesting placements or would rather not do anything all day? Nope, can't think of any. The species is truly a blight upon the rest of the student genus, but that doesn't mean that they can't be safely navigated. Explorers can best avoid harm from the species by remaining alert - a Piranhacademic will only strike when it perceives vulnerability, so by keeping your guard up, never leaving important things where they can be snatched away, and being prompt to all timetabled activities should help stave off any attacks.

Fortunately for the Healthcare Habitat, the species is a rare one, with most students honouring the code and shunning those that choose to break it. Even worse for the species, its more unethical methods of attaining superiority can draw the eye of the ecosystem's apex predators - consultants and educators. Woe betide a Piranhacademic who steals from another and is discovered, for their penance may go so far as to be cast from the Healthcare Habitat, never to return (unless they come in as a patient and need treatment - Hippocratic oath, etc. - but we'll give them evil looks the whole time. That'll make them feel bad).